Cat dying of F I P

My little cat Lydia became very sick on Saturday. The antibiotics that were prescribed were not working, so yesterday she had blood work done. The results came back by nine am, but I was told I had to wait for the veterinarian herself to call me and read them to me. I waited all day long with no call, finally I called myself only to find out that the test revealed F I P, an uncommon and fatal respiratory disease. I know there are treatments, but she's already unresponsive, depressed, weak, and will not eat or drink.
   
I'm taking her in tomorrow for euthanasia. I'm so torn up over this. I feel guilty because she caught it from another cat, most certainly one of the sick-looking alley cats outside. I keep thinking, I should have kept her in even though she loved patrolling the yard and being outside. I shouldn't have left a food dish out for the stray cats, even though they came around before I ever left a food or water dish out. Or, I should have been more current with her vaccinations, even though I'm reading that the only licensed vaccination for F I P isn't very effective and not offered as the standard. I feel angry that I was not informed of her condition first thing this morning. I could have already said goodbye, and she would not be suffering in the other room right now. I'm angry that telling me these test results was not a priority. The treatment I received from the vet clinic made an already painful thing a million times worse. I'm not sure how to cope with this at all. especially the guilt.
   
Any support would be appreciated so much. I don't know how I'm going to make it through tonight and tomorrow morning.
   

i am so sorry about lydia unfortunately for me my loss of my doggie frosty was very painful and i know what you must be going through. i am still in grief and he will have passed 5 weeks tomorrow. everyone tells me the pain will lessen in time i hope so. i am sorry i can only offer you my sympathies but if you would like to talk feel free to contact me,ana

Hi, my name is Nicole. I'm really sorry for what you had to go through. I found your story comforting in the sense that I can relate very well right now. My parents and I found a little black kitty up at our cabin this summer, and we could tell someone had abandoned him and it looked like he hadn't eaten for days. We took him in and tried to find a home for him, but he quickly became a part of our family and we wanted to keep him (despite our terrible cat allergies). In the beginning he had a lot of trouble with worms, with the critters he was living off of in the woods... but we got him his shots and nuedered him and he seemed healthy. The vets said he was young after examining him. However, last week we noticed he had no energy, and he wasn't eating. So my dad took him in right away and they did some bloodwork.... yep, he has FIP. And I know some cats are diagnosed incorrectly, I wish that were the case here. Unfortunately his symptoms are very clear. And every day he becomes more bloated. He has the effusive type, and I know he is going to die. I've been pretty depressed the past few days, because I see his condition slowly becoming worse, despite the antibiotics he's been taking. Tomorrow we hear from the vet to get their opinion. But I already know our kitty's time is very limited. It's been extremely hard to see him like this. He was so playful and very loving (when he wanted to be), so it pains me to see his life shortened so abruptly, when he finally found his home. I hope you're doing well, and hopefully my story could show you you're not alone. I'm glad I'm not either.
   
-Nicole