Dog I owned since I was a little girl Passed on.

I'm currently 13 yrs. old, my dog who was 11, cocoa, a chocolate labrador, had been put down while I was at a christmas Parade.
   
Before the parade, my father was to take her to the vet. I hadn't said anything to her before she and i left, but i petted her alot, and cried over her, and said i loved her. She was then taken to the vet. While at the parade, laughing, my brother and his friend came along to join in the parade. I asked if they knew how my dog was, and my brother told me she was put down.
   
I wanted to shoot myself. She was our family dog ever since I was like 6.
   
I feel guilty, I wasn't there.

I am very sorry for your loss and you have my deepest sympathy.
   
Please be assured your dog knew how much you cared about her because you showered her with love and affection. That is what really matters.
   
You are a young person so perhaps your Dad was trying to spare your feelings by not discussing your dog's condition with you before he took her to the vet. If you have a good a relationship with your parents you should sit down and talk to them about how you feel because you seem to be shouldering your grief alone, and that is never healthy.
   
It is hard to believe at the moment, but in time you will start to feel better and then you will be able to think about and enjoy all the good memories of the years you spent with your friend.